Slarty's World

This story reminded me of some of your stories, Slarty. You are Canadian, right?

It occurred Tuesday evening at the Swedish border in the Aurskog-Høland area of Akershus County. The man came driving along in an old Volvo 740 with Swedish license plates. Newspaper Smaalenenes Avis reported that the car was loaded with 400 liters of beer, 22 liters of spirits and 10,800 cigarettes, all bound for the Norwegian market where such items are highly taxed.

The load proved to be too much for the car, which a customs official said wouldn’t survive its transport to the customs station. The Polish man was arrested, put into custody at a jail in Fredrikstad and can expect a large fine.

Read the full story here.

Several friends and I went to the cabin on the big lake. It was cold (-20 F) and intoxicatingly beautiful. Perfect. The weekend was filled with snow mobiling, snow shoeing, drinking and card playing.

One of us had the brilliant idea that we should do something nice for Ulla, the owner of the camp we based our expedition out of. She lives alone on in the middle of nowhere. In the winter, she probably sees people a few times a month. It takes a special person to handle that aloneness; someone with a regal self-confidence.

It was decided that one of us would pleasure Ulla, to thank her for her hospitality. While doing the dirty deed, I had a revelation. Barring some very improbable circumstances, I would be the last person to have sex with the 86 year old Ulla. What an accomplishment! Which is more impressive:

Having sex with a virgin, knowing that potentially dozens of men would be there after you?

Being the last person a woman will have sex with, knowing that she would take that fond memory to the grave?

I would say it is a toss up, however, the latter would probably be better for society. Either way, I am off to research terminal illnesses.

Slarty’s heading north for the weekend. Probably not the smartest thing, but adventuresome to say the least. I am heading to the cabin in the middle of the big lake. Current temperature is -11 degrees Fahrenheit. Assuming I have power, it will be ok. I hope to return with a mild hangover and a few stunning photos. ( I would settle for a stunning hangover and a few mild photos).

On the topic heading north, a friend told me of this bar in Ottawa called Zahpod Beeblebrox’s. Looks cool, I will have to see if any of my Ottawa friends can give give me some first had accounts of the place. Here is the web site.

I am working on a piece about Bush and Social Security, however, it is too fucking long and I know that it will be one of those blog posts that people skip. So I am trying to spice it up. Perhaps, a cheerleader or two.

So I guess Sony is releasing Gran Turismo 4 on February 22nd. Great game, can’t wait, I will have to get the keg refilled. For added excitement they have added Volvos! A less special version of my Volvo model is represented. This info came from Swedespeed.

Link To Sony’s GT4 Website

I made a post that references The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy a few days ago and I have received considerable side chatter about the character from the book called Slarti Bartfast. Everyone wants to know if I am THAT Slarti. Just to clarify, my real name is Slarty. And although Slarti Bartfast is a great character, this is not about him, it is about me. His name is spelled with a ‘i’ not a ‘y’ like my name(and website). Of course, he did sculpt the flords of Norway, so maybe it should be about him.

I have been trying to find a template or stylesheet that I really like. Unfortunately, I have not found one that is right. I installed Alex King’s style switcher that hopefully it will make easier to audition different styles. I really like the lily one, however, it is does not really fit my personality. Maybe if it were like deep, masculine, blue lilies. Or perhaps a tulip.

Hey Slarty! Great to see you on the web and thanks for allowing me to post updates from Bergen. Thought this article highlighted the adventurous and fun loving spirit of the Norwegian people.

F**k for the boondocks

The “Fuck for bygda (rural areas/boondocks)” campaign from the Norwegian young farmers league (NBU) is a humorous – yet serious – attempt to focus attention on the exodus from Norway’s rural areas, NRK (Norwegian Broadcasting) reports. Besides a declining birth rate Norway’s outlying districts also see their residents moving to urban areas, and small local schools have begun to disappear.

Six years ago the residents of little Gloppen held a high-profile ‘community reproduction effort’ in a local gymnasium that embodies the spirit of “Fuck for bygda”. The endeavor was a big success according to organizer Per Svein Reed, who told NRK that the school is now “nearly bursting” with kids. Gloppen’s snow-hole project was less of a hit. Gloppen businesses dug out cozy little caves in the mountainside snow and put out hundreds of torches to add to the romantic atmosphere. The effort did not result in a noticeable rise in the local population nine months later.

“Fuck for bygda” will encourage rural youth to get together and reproduce to help maintain their local societies.

Read the story here.

Dude, don’t forget to get the swag for Zaphod.

Now this is a good idea. Let’s put together a BLOG that is all about cheerleaders and their struggles. I think it is a worthwhile cause and will do my part to promote it. Here is the link.

That is a question. I think a better question might be who is Slarty? For the moment, Slarty is a cross between James Bond, Jimmy Buffet, and perhaps Luciano Pavarotti (and maybe Homer Simpson). A guy that orders a martini in a country western bar or goes to a fancy bar wearing jeans and one of those winter hats with the furry ear covers. He knows what is going on, but does not really want you to know that he knows. That is his secret weapon.

This blog is dedicated to the pursuit of all things Slarty (or whatever seems to entertain me). I imagine it will be all over the map, depending on what I am under the influence of at the time of writing. For instance, I am at work now and am trying to give up caffeine.

It just boggles my mind that I am addicted to it. I don’t drink that much coffee, maybe a cup or two a day. I have been trying to go caffeine free for 2-3 weeks now. Last week I had a fucking headache for the ass-end of the week and it was not until Saturday that I was smart enough to try a cup of coffee. I had 3 cups of coffee on Saturday plus a big ass brownie. You would think I was on a diet or trying to kick crack, and was binging in a massive relapse. Actually, I woke up at 2 pm in the gutter behind Caribou, but that was because I tried to make my cappuccino “Irish.”

Well, my next goal for Slartsworld is to try to get a better layout, this is pretty much the stock format. So if any of the two of you who visit have any suggestions, please let me know. Also, I needs some fricken pictures on here, for instance I could see a big bottle of Jameson floating in this post. And a better font on Windows. And how the hell do you keep track of shit you want to do on your site, but don’t have time to do.